long time, no update

well, i've been consistently inconsistent with my blogging. i don't know how people blog through such difficult times. i wanted to be able to have this blog later, as a reminder of the minutia. instead, i have it as a reminder of the big moments, the trying times.

my dad passed away on march 17th, 2007 at 8:45 pm on the nose. he was surrounded by family and comfortable under the effects of fenatanyl and a myriad of other drugs. prior to his passing, we were able to spend a good bit of the afternoon talking to him (he was on a respirator and mildly sedated). it was good to be able to say our goodbyes. and to have him be able to acknowledge hearing them by nodding his head very slightly and moving his eyes and hands. and it was heartbreaking. so heartbreaking.

so here it is, 2 months later, and i've reverted to shock. i can't process the idea that my dad is dead. gone. forever. dead. so strange and unwelcome. there's been a fair amount of crying. mostly random tearing up and spilling over. unpredictable. but i suppose that's to be expected.

the next month promises to be treacherous territory. my brother is riding in the team in training century ride at lake tahoe on the 1st sunday in june, benefiting the leukemia lymphoma society, and i'll be in the crowds cheering him on. the next sunday is dad's birthday. the sunday after that is father's day. and comps are the thursday of that week. a tough month ahead. and no dad to lean on for support. wish me luck.